Crumplehorn is the kind of place where detached stone-built houses sit on quiet lanes and the population barely fills a large village hall — 286 people spread thinly, with a median age of 58 telling you this isn't a place full of young families and new-build estates. It reads as settled and older, the sort of spot where people arrive in their fifties and sixties and stay. There's no rail station or named school in the picture here to anchor a commute or a school run, and with only five transport stops and a population this small, Crumplehorn isn't built around getting somewhere else — it's built around already being there. Pelynt Primary Academy, rated Good, sits in the wider catchment area, and Polperro Primary Academy nearby hasn't yet been given a fresh Ofsted judgement, but between them they cover the practical schooling question for the handful of families who are here. Housing leans heavily towards detached freehold homes — 14 of the 30 recent sales, with 27 of 30 sold freehold — and at a median of £312,500 it sits close to the county picture, about 10% above Cornwall's typical price. A "For Sale" board here is advertising a settled, owner-occupied, unremarkable-in-a-good-way house, not a rental flat or a new-build starter home. Green space is thin on the ground in the most literal sense — half a hectare across one plot of open land — so this isn't a place defined by parks or long dog walks from the front door; whatever outdoor life looks like here, it likely happens beyond the immediate streets, along the coast paths and harbours this part of Cornwall is known for, even if none of that shows up in the numbers for Crumplehorn itself. The overall grade pattern is strikingly good — A for nightlife, A for transport, A for safety, B+ for health — which makes the crime figures worth sitting with for a moment. Twelve incidents in the past year is a small number in absolute terms, dominated by violence and sexual offences at nearly 59% of the breakdown, and the rate sits well above Cornwall's average. That's the quiet spine of this profile: a place graded safe and pleasant everywhere else, with a crime rate that, on the numbers alone, runs hot relative to its own county. With so few incidents feeding the count, one or two events can swing the percentage sharply, so it's worth treating the rate as a signal to ask local questions rather than a verdict in itself. This is a place for people who want a small, quiet, older-skewing corner of Cornwall with solid housing stock and decent connectivity — full fibre reaches 61% of homes — rather than nightlife, schools, or green space as the draw. Anyone weighing it up should look past the headline grades and ask specifically what's behind that safety number, because everything else here points to a settled, comfortable spot that doesn't obviously match it.